The closing chapters/Epilogue?

This past week has been an emotional one for me. It has been the first time since last August that we have not had any other children in our home besides our bio children. Larry and I knew coming into this week that it could possibly be the last days of just being a family of 6. We wanted to just focus on our kids as best as we could without mentioning the upcoming adoption. (We did call up north and ask how the kids were doing but we were awaiting the case manager's call before going up there to pick them up).

Monday I awoke with the stomach virus that Larry had. It all worked out for the best for me though because I would have only had one daycare child and after talking to that parent she kept her home. I was able to sleep the entire day while Jess (who is MY hero{ine}) watched the other kids. We ended up watching a movie in the evening and then I went to bed.

I awoke on Tuesday refreshed and able to do chores, school with the kids, and day care. After childcare was over for the day we took the kids out to the 4H fair. I was weak but really enjoyed watching the kids have a great time. Lots of laughter, smiles, jokes, etc. As I lied in bed that night I start crying. It REALLY hit me that these next few days were going to the closing pages of our family of 6. I felt like Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. I anquishly cried out "Nevertheless not my will but YOURS be done" I didn't feel a peace when I went to sleep but I knew and was determined that God's will would be done.

Wednesday we did our normal routine of school/childcare. Then we went to church. The teacher had an excellent class that I really needed for this week. It talked of being free from captivity. She started with one of the biggest obstacles on the path to freedom is unbelief. She mentioned the story in Mark 9:21-24 and the part that has stuck out to me was "I believe, Help me in my unbelief" This helped me remain secure in knowing the path which He has chosen for Larry and I to take (adopting our children). I have to trust HIM and believe HIM through the unknown. After church Larry surprised our family by taking us to DQ for a sweet yummy treat.

Thursday we watched another family movie and began to make mental preparations of rearranging/painting bedrooms. I cried again as I lay in bed. I know in my heart God is calling us to adopt our new additions yet this week has been so relaxing. Our bio children are used to our routine. They hardly give me any problems. I don't feel that I constantly have to entertain them. I realize these days are winding down fast. My heart aches with concerns of the unknown. Are my bio children ready for this permanency? Will our new children be able to respect me as their mom? Too many questions/concerns fly through my head. Again I cry myself to sleep.

Friday Larry and I had to get fingerprinted for our licensing. It gave us some time to talk about things. Afterwards I headed home to help T with the childcare and do chores. Friday evening we went and picked up some chests and then I headed to church. Our Friday evening services have been really awesome. I always look forward to them. Tonight I struggled to prepare myself for tonight's service. I had been whipped around all week it seemed with thoughts. I did have some days this week that I thought doubt had wrapped itself around my legs like a manriki chain

At times I have thought about letting things remain the way they are. This of course is my flesh trying to combat me. I know I won't allow it to win. The song "Surrender" by Marc James begins to play. I knew my heart wanted that. I wwent up to the altar as a symbol of laying EVERYTHING down. I get up only for Perri (who I have confided my thoughts of this past week with) to bring me before Pastor to be prayed for.

Yesterday was spent painting and cleaning up the rooms in order for the rearranging to be completed. I hope to post pics when everything is in order. Today after an awesome church service we came home and Larry worked on painting again while I did some other chores around here. He worked very diligently not wasting any of his time. While paint was drying in one area he went to the basement to paint another area. I am so proud of him. (GOD Thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful man!!)

It's hard closing the book on something I have enjoyed over the past almost 15 yrs. We have met a lot of characters along the way. Some have been a played a major role and are no longer in our lives. Some at the end of this book have only played minor parts though in the next book they will become major roles. I mourn the closing of this book but also look forward to the updated/revised edition/sequel because unlike some sequels the best is yet to come. Tonight and from now on I pray that I will no longer mourn but rejoice.

Epilogue nah!...more like a Prologue!

"Surrender" by Marc James

I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life

And I Surrender
All to You, all to You

I'm singing You this song
I'm waiting at the Cross
All the world holds dear
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
For the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
Even sharing in Your pain